The Up and the Down

I have Bipolar. I was diagnosed about 2 years ago. I am doing pretty well at the moment. It is in these moments that I forget why I was diagnosed to begin with. I saw my drug rep (psychiatrist) (she happens to be a very good doctor) today with a laundry list of things to discuss. On that list was 'why do we think I have bipolar?'. We went over a list of problems we had tackled together. Oh, yeah...I remember. I was hoping for a quick discussion about how I'm truly OK and just have ADHD. I was first diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and that same diagnosis has been made several times over the years. I'm comfortable with ADHD; I recognize when I'm having difficulty and I have lots of coping strategies. Bipolar is still new and scary to me. To be honest it is only in the last 6 months that I realized we were confronting the bipolar separate from the ADHD. My symptoms are mild compared to most for which I am thankful.

Still, I have symptoms which is why I go visit the drug rep. I have been doing really well recently and this is because I finally agreed to take the amount of lithium she thought we would be beneficial. I am at a 'therapeutic' level.The thing that sucks is that being on this amount of lithium brings side affects into clearer focus. I have a dear friend at work who had a bad experience with lithium as a child. In her mind lithium is evil, she's a little dramatic but genuinely worried. Doing a web search on side affects of lithium would be a way to either validate or relieve her concern. Here is what I found out:

1.) There is a fine line between therapeutic and toxic levels of lithium. Wow! That was an eye opener. I didn't do much research on lithium, it has been around forever. It is very effective and usually well tolerated.

2.) The following is a list of symptoms I attributed to other causes: HAND TREMOR: DRY CRACKING SKIN ON HANDS: HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE: LETHARGY: WEAKNESS: EDEMA IN CALVES, ANKLES AND FEET: CONSTANT THIRST: CRAZY FREQUENT URINATION: SLURRED SPEECH: NAUSEA: DIMINISHED SEX DRIVE: FATIGUE

3.) This is the only side affect I knew came from lithium: DIARRHEA

Now before you get upset with my drug rep these symptoms are not typical. Some of them have been going on for over a year, some within the last 3 months. Until today, the only symptom I brought to her attention was the diarrhea. It never occurred to me that dry hands or edema could be the work of lithium. I was convinced the hand tremor was due to anemia or the iron pills I take to counter it. So, we had a lot to discuss. Prescribing medication has never been something she does 'to' me. Before changing we look at a list of drugs, discuss pros and cons. For right now she has reduced my dosage. We're going to take it slow because my blood pressure is in play. Depending on how my symptoms are in one week, I may or may not try out a new med. I may be able to simply lower my lithium dosage. I like that option. Lithium has worked really well. The only other medicine for mania we've tried was Depakote. I puked and puked and puked. I love what lithium has afforded me. Relations between myself and my family have never been better. My mother and I are closer than ever. I worry throwing lithium away is throwing that away. Cross your fingers for me.