Manic Managed

I think I'm beginning to understand how my bipolar medicine controls manic. I have started to climb a couple of times but then I seem to level back down to a nice 'normal'. It's a pattern I've noticed. I start to fly, then I'm grumpy and edgy with some OCD like symptoms and then I'm back to something nice and normal. I spend most of my time in the normal zone. I've spent so much time depressed over the last few years that I don't believe I recognised normal for what it was. In between the flying and the grumpy/edgy is a whole lot of normal. It's nice.

The grumpy/edgy isn't much fun but if I'm not around people too much all is well. It doesn't last long and is something I can live with.

I would still love to just let myself fly but I really like this normal me. My thoughts of going off medication aren't nearly as intense as they were. I've only thought about it once this week. That's definitely progress.

I love the new location at work! I am learning the job and liking it immensely. My boss is a consultant to TXDOT, she is a project manager and she is awesome! My only regret is that at some point she will be replaced by a state employee. I don't think that this will necessarily be a bad thing. TXDOT is not TXDPS, while they are both state agencies they are unrecognizable to one another. I love the atmosphere at work. It's so professional there.

Tuesday was my first day at the new location. I have traded my at most 10 minute commute to work for a 45 minute commute to work. The 10 minute commute was the only good thing about working for TXDPS so it is soooo worth the drive! The real treat for me about the physical location of my job is it's proximity to Zilker Park and the hike and bike trails. I started my new job bringing clothes to change into so I could walk around the lake after work. I didn't get to do that on Tuesday because of the rain but I did on Wednesday and Thursday. On Friday our whole team went back to TXDPS for one day to help out so I didn't get to walk on Friday either.

I need to say this: I love the hike and bike trails! I managed to lose 75 pounds just walking around the lake a few times a week. For whatever reason I cannot get excited by exercise for its own sake. I can get excited about emersing myself into nature that happens to coincide with exercise. I have started out by doing 20 minutes a day and I plan to work that up to an hour. I felt so renewed each time.

My walks around the lake have always been a time for me to connect with my creator. It's really profound for me, I believe my experience is similar to what other people get by going to church, or temple, or what-have-you. I realized how much I missed that connection last week.

I keep saying this but I need to say it again. I am so happy! I couldn't say that for so long and now that I can, well, I just can't say it enough!